How to love your body when you’ve spent years dieting.
Let me start by saying that this isn’t a feminine space, its a neutral one.
I do not believe that only women struggle with self compassion. As a nutrition coach I have worked with both men and women and I can say with conviction, that women aren’t the only ones to struggle with self loathe, binge eating and yo-yo dieting.
The problem is however is that while society is often ruthless about its expectations on women’s bodies, it also disapproves of men openly discussing their feelings.
So while it may be acceptable for women to talk about how they struggle to love their bodies, men are often left feeling like they have no one to talk to.
My hope is that this blog will be able to highlight some of the practices you can do to help improve your relationship with your body so that you can approach health and weight loss in a healthy manner. Therefore, any improvements made to and on your body are made as a result of you wanting to improve quality of life rather than wanting to fit into a box.
“When I lose weight, then I will love my body.”
I’ve heard it a million times before, and trust me when I say this, that goal post will always move, and there will be something else you want to change, and you won’t one day suddenly be happy because of a new number on the scale, unless you address your relationship with your body first.
So without further ado, here are some simple steps you can take to help you enjoy the process instead of focusing solely on the outcome goal.
Mindfulness: Noticing and naming
What is all this fluff, I’m outta here…
Yes, yes I know. Most of the blogs on this site are science based so why on earth are we talking about the hippy-dippy stuff? Because awareness is the key to….. well, everything. Says the forty-something year old living with ADHD.
The amount of times I’ve heard the athletes I work with say “I just realised I eat when I’m bored!” or “today I told myself that feeling fat isn’t the same thing as being fat”. Those little moments of self discovery are what I live for.
Start by asking yourself questions like: what am I feeling? Are those thoughts objective? how is this affecting me?
By doing this, you are separating yourself from your thoughts. I liken it to being at the movies, and being absorbed by the plot, but instead of being one of the characters, you are just an audience watching the story unfold, existing from a different place.
You can see the movie, feel all of the emotions, but it isn’t your life. That is how I like to describe mindfulness.
How this might look in real life situations…
It’s like taking the thought process of “I’m such a failure” to
“I feel like I’m failing” to
“I’m struggling because there is a lot on my plate right now and I might be feeling as if I’m failing but I’m actually trying my best.”
Try this exercise:
The next time you catch yourself stress eating, just practice a little self awareness, “I am eating a chocolate bar because I’m stressed”.
Slow down, what does it taste like? Can you feel the textures? Are you enjoying the flavours or are you just shoveling it down? By pausing to reflect, you’re already ahead of your old self.
Next, practice some common humanity by letting yourself know that most people under the same circumstances might also behave in a similar way. “I have had the worst day, my boss is a jerk. Anyone else who has had to experience this level of stress would look for a dopamine hit too”.
This isn’t the same as finding excuses, it’s a way of showing yourself some compassion.
Finally, be compassionate and aware of any ‘catastrophising’ thoughts like “this chocolate bar will ruin my entire progress and I’ll never be able to get back on track”, because friend, those hijacking emotions may seem real to you at the time, but I can promise you, one meal won’t have the power to undo your hard work.
Understand that even when you’re relationship with food and your body has healed, it won’t be perfect
If you accept that maintaining a healthy mind is a journey and not a destination, you’re more likely to forgive yourself during a relapse.
As someone who has had a dysfunctional relationship with their body and food I can say with a fair amount of certainty that you’ll have some days when you won’t be happy with your reflection BUT that doesn’t mean that you won’t still love and accept your body.
I talk about loving and accepting my body like it’s a garden. I adore my garden, but just because I love it, does not mean that I won’t want to improve it by adding more trees and colourful flowers.
Loving your body and wanting to improve it does not have to be mutually exclusive. Same goes with your garden. The problem only arises when you begin to compare your garden to your neighbours’ and you are no longer happy with your own.
Surround yourself with people with similar goals
And I don’t just mean being around people from your sporting community, quite the opposite actually. I mean being around people who understand what it means to prioritise you. People who won’t pass judgement when you want to take a break.
While social media can be a pretty nasty place, it’s also full of diverse body types. Follow people who inspire you and turn off notifications to those that trigger you.
By changing who I follow and narrowing in on people who post about performance rather than ‘body check’ images, I have found it both liberating and inspiring.
Turns out, looking at peoples ‘body check’ posts can be one of the most triggering things.
Does that actually surprise anyone though?
Switch off
Mentally and digitally.
Earlier I mentioned how social media can be really triggering to some. Staying offline for a few hours, days and weeks even might be a great way to detox your mind.
If like me you run a business on social media and find that stepping away can be challenging, take more time off by spending time outdoor.
I live in North Wales and while the weather is super rainy most days, I find that a walk through the countryside in wellies and a hoodie is enough to give my mind the break it needs.
This can also be a great opportunity to practice any noticing and naming of negative emotions.
Keep practicing
Just because we are now in a better place doesn’t necessarily mean you no longer need to practice better habits. It’s like saying just because your muscles are big and strong you no longer have to exercise.
Our minds work the same way. Mindfulness is a concept you have to keep practicing. Without practice, it can diminish and your old habits can reappear.
We are often not very compassionate towards ourselves and getting into the habit of recognising any self criticism is a great set of skills to have.
Brene Brown said that in her research they discovered the people who were the happiest and most successful werent the ones who had never experienced grief, but were people who’d learnt to show themselves some compassion.
Conclusion
While you won’t be able to control your thoughts and emotions (even though all emotions are valid), you can practice awareness. Being aware of your emotions slows them down before they hijack your mind and cause unnecessary anxiety, which can often lead to unwanted behaviours like overeating.
Stepping away from your emotions separates you from your thoughts so you can see them coming and going rather than being influenced by them.
It’s a skill I’m working on this year too.
So in what ways will you show up for yourself today and how will you practice self compassion?
